Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
