So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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