dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
