Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
