You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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