Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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