obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
