Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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