dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
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I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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