just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
