The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
