Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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