Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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