Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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