I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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