Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
