He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize