So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
