dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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