Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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