before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
