I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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