When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
