we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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