Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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