Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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