Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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