mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You just missed an honest to god bukkake