Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.