so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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