Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
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You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.