1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store