I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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