my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties