tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
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in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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