Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
