he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize