Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
