butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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