Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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