I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
