Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
