he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
