dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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