Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Too much gin, very little bucket
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
