Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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