he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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