i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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