Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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