What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
