Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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