I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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