How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
