Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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