You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
