So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
