Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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