wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
