I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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