I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
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Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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