Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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