if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
